I'm shifting to Sembawang cos my mum wants to and my eldest brother freaking forgot to give a bullcrap about what I need and want. And I need to pack up by wednesday when I'm supposed to work from Monday to Thursday. It's a total WTF moment when my bro and mum drop the bomb, like hell, I'm the one paying for the rental yet I'm not the one making the decision. Freaking pissed off with my mum and bro. I don't mind shifting but to sembawang is totally pointless (as its just near here and not nearer to work or to town) and just a waste of my time and I need to change all the addresses etc. And further more I may be going overseas for couple of years.

Oh ya that, there is a chance I may move to Bangkok, there is an opportunity and when things is confirmed, I'm taking it. Yes meaning I'm gonna leave my job and practically quit my life here. I thought about it for about half a year and decided I've got nothing to lose and want to live life differently and for once under my control.

Please bless me.

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And it will happen.

Of cos it takes some work and determination.

I always wanted to go to NYC, like a childhood dream, and I finally did, and didn't wanna leave. The experience is so wonderful, it's feels like wonderland to me.

I wish upon a star, I'm trying to believe.

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I got inked...

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Since I was very young I kinda knew money is a huge factor in life somehow, I guess at times we compare what we have against others around us. So I remembered when I was like 5, and for a couple of years, I said I wanted to be a lawyer or doctor, well, as these are the professions that seems to earn a lot.

Time passes and interests arise, I fell in love with music, I always like it as a kid but when I got a chance to really get into it at around the age of 15 onwards, I realize how good it feels to put emotions into movement, voices, and sounds. I thought why not be a dancer, a singer, a musician or a performer? Doesn't seems like the best industry when you are not that well to do and have some financial burdens coming at you already, and probably not that talented comparing to those around me doing the same.

Got into marketing at 18? Wanted to get into hospitality but couldn't so marketing it is. Kinda didn't make the decision but went with the flow. Talking, I can do that, selling seems easy, business wise, not a big fan. Worked a year or 2 and realized it's not exactly what I thought it is. Thought maybe branch out a little, into PR or events but landed myself my current job.

I actually tried a couple of times and was giving up hope. Luckily friends around were encouraging and kept saying i am oh so suitable for the job. The smiles and cheerfulness, and being nice and happy. Well yes it does suits me, but do I want to do this for how long? Not much career advancement or job security either.

Now there is a chance for me to experience life a little differently and perhaps study, a chance to change. Hope things works out...

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When you planned out a future with someone else, it feels like you are building a dream. Then suddenly you woke up, everything's gone.

My feet reach for the ground beside my bed, it feels so unstable, dizzy, like I've been dreaming for too long. Every time I close my eyes I feel the air around is quivering, it feels like I'm sinking while the world is spinning. When I open my eyes, everything seems like a blur.

There seems to be something pressing down on my chest, and it feels difficult to breathe, then time to time a weird pain starts from inside spreading to other parts of my body, to the tips of my fingers, and then it stops..

It feels cold even below the thick blanket, I feel so bare, exposed and vulnerable. I went to look at myself in the mirror, to see if anything is wrong. Still alive and breathing, the same way I remembered.

I hug this huge white pillow just to make sure it's real too, and sat in front of the mirror, to know I'm not an illusion to myself, and just stare at myself with my eyes wide open.

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Many things happen in out life, millions of things happened, and yet most of the time we stay the same, our thoughts, how we feel, the way we do things, our aims and goals in life. Then one day you meet someone who changes all of these, who changes your life, this is the person you want to spend your life with, no matter who hhe is, what he does, what he has, and what's going to happen, because he is the only change you ever want in your life; your future.

It doesn't matter if he is your first, second, third or 100th, what matters is he doesn't care what number he is and jus want to be your last...

Being in love is being able to be yourself when you are with him.

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1) Save money

Seriously I need to do something about it. That includes stop shopping for anything I like, eat cheaper, less money on gym and cutting down on overspending on other activities and things that are less important in life,

2) Slim waist but bulk on other parts of the body.

Difficult but can be done and will be done.

3) Find my soul-mate, or find out who they are (kinda)

It's not that I don't have any close friends, but I do realize that most of my close friends sort of have their own best friends. I'm not sure if it's due to my work that maybe I don't spend enough time with my friends, maybe I'm not putting in enough effort, but I'm never really sure if there is a best friend/s for me. Maybe there isn't, well I'll find out.

4) Do things that are more meaningful to me and to my life.

I always wanted to learn like a lot of things but didn't fully commit to them. Now there is something I want to pursue, but it will take time.

5) Better health

More sleep, never seems to have enough. Take care of my health, eat right, and lessen or stop not so healthy stuff.

Okay that's all for now~

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I'm starting to feel robotic about my life.

Work according to schedule, sun tan early afternoon and then gym on off days. Watch American series and play games at night.

Not that I'm not enjoying it but maybe I should add a little more colors to my life.

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G seldom send me to work even if it is weekend. It's often family matters that got him busy etc so I kinda accepted it.

But somewhere in my heart I always felt he is not doing enough since the many mistakes made in the past.

So this weekend as usual I need to get to work, and it's in the afternoon like 3pm, so I suggested the day before for him to send me to work. When the day arrive he said 'I feel lazy'

It just got me thinking 'what the hell?' It's not like it's a very difficult thing to do. I know it's just a small thing but to just tell me he feels lazy to send me to work. Haiz.

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You can't control what you feel, but you can choose what you want to do with it, about it, for it, to it...

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